Why I Will Never Send My Child to an Amusement Park Alone

During this FEA Field Staff Conference, we went to King's Island amusement park one night for about 5 hours.  One subject you all must trust me on is sending your child to an amusement by themselves.  Don't Do It!  If you don't believe me after this story, go to your local amusement park and follow children from the range of 10-15 years of age, and let me know what you see.
 
To be completely honest, I realized in one night how much society has changed even in my 22 years of life.  I don't know how many 10-15 year olds I saw making out, pelvic thrusting, and doing everything they could with clothes on in public. When I was the age that these kids were, I was still putting these moves on my wrestling buddy and wetting the bed.  There in one corner is Lil Romeo and his 12 year old girlfriend tongue wrestling, and then you turn around and you have Lil Scrappy with his hands down his 11 year old girlfriend's pants.  Are you kidding me?  And I'm sorry for even writing about this, but it really bugged me.  It wouldn't have bugged me if I saw it once, but what's the worst thing about busy amusement parks?  How about the lines that go back and forth that allow you to see the same people about 10 different time before you get on the ride.  So I decided to give these kids a piece of mind everytime we passed in the lines.  It started off as a joking "Get er Done" and then went to "Where Are Your Parents", but escalated to "Do You Realize That I Would Be Kicked Out of School if What You Guys Are Doing  Was on My Computer" My buddies were rolling because I had lost my mind. We were walking out of the park, and I said to the guys, "well atleast we won't see those darn kids anymore", and at that moment we passed these four kids romantically slow dancing to Celine Dion.  I lost it, but I couldn't think of anything to say so I opened up my mouth and the only thing that came out was "Celine Dion sucks" 
 
So if you haven't gotten the moral of this story it is: DO NOT SEND YOUR CHILD TO AN AMUSEMENT PARK UNATTENDED!!!!!

A Guy Who I Like to Call Skeeter

This past week the six of us consultants participated in what is called FEA Field Staff.  This conference consisted of about 12 different fraternites and one sorority. The conference was supposed to interfraternalize us and meet some people that could help us out on the road.  It was really funny, because at the same time here at Miami of Ohio, there was a high school girls volleyball camp going on.  Who in their right mind schedules for a bunch of fratters to have the opportunity to be around about 300 high school volleyball players.  Talk about Risk Management.  So anyway, at the conference there was quite the ratio of guys to girls, and having a girlfriend, it was great to sit back and check out what frat guys do best: Make a fool out themselves trying to pick up women.  For every one girl, there were 7 guys attatched to whatever piece of attention they could get.  Anyways, there was a guy in my group who was the biggest piece of work I have ever met.  He's that fraternity guys who wears nothing but pastelle dress shirts, revolves his life around himself, and will say anything to pick up a woman.  So obviously he was attatched to the girl in my group the whole time, and it was great to see her roll her eyes at everything he said.  One conversation went a little like this. (The conversation was pertaining to cats and this guy was next to the girl) 
 
Brian:  I hate cats
Derek: Really, I love them.  I have a cat at home named Snickers.  She is my pride & joy.
Kat (Girl): (Rolls Eyes)
Derek:  I would come upstairs and she would be on her back just ready for me to rub her stomach.  She looked like a little puffball.  My sensitive side changed the minute Snickers came into my life.
Kat: Came into your life?
Steve (On other side of the bus) (Thinking): Someone check to see if this guy has marbles.
 
It was great, and if you know me well enough, I just went with it and made fun of him the whole time.  The last day we were there I called him out during a group meeting.  We had all become very close and I made a fool of him in front of everyone.  I told him along with the group how big of a Skeeter he is, and that nobody is going to take him seriously on the road. When we were leaving he thanked me for "helping him realize his faults", and I said your welcome and gave him a pat on the ass and showed him to the door.

Chapter Services Retreat and Cincinnati

On Wednesday of my first week of work, we found out that we would be leaving Oxford for a campsite about an hour southeast of here. It would serve to bring us together as a team and motivate us for the job. The campsite was very nice. Air conditioned cabins, nice bathrooms, great food, and all sorts of activities. We had a facilitater, Dave, who lead us through the program and gave us many lectures on personal development. The retreat was great and it brought us all together, and made us a lot closer.

When the retreat ended on Friday, all of us new consultants packed Rick's truck and went to Cincinnati. Brendan's mom works for Marriot and was able to get us a nice room right in the heart of the University of Cincinnati for $50. That night, we headed down to Great American Ballpark and saw the Cincinnati Reds play the Cleveland Indians. One of my goals during my time here is to see as many major league baseball venues as I can. The game was a blowout and it was the second time in a week that I had seen a home team get beat by 13 runs. Crazy. There was fireworks after the game, which were awesome. One even came burning down into the crowd. Saturday we ventured across the Ohio River into the great state of Kentucky. We checked out the Acquarium and got a bite to eat at an Irish pub. We headed back to Oxford later Saturday afternoon. I still need to get unpacked and get everything settled. Good thing I have a three day weekend.

The Start of a New Job

Tuesday began my two year work experience here in Oxford. We were welcomed by everyone at the staff lunch, and took tours of the building to get acquainted with everything. The three other consultants who just started are great guys and I look forward to working with them. Rick Scannell is from Lawrence University in Wisconsin. He was a big time wrestler there, and one guy I won't be getting into any heated arguements with. Mario Villa is from the proud state of Texas. He's a Longhorn, and I haven't seen him without a Longhorns t-shirt on yet. Brendan Cunningham is from Washington College in Maryland, and reminds me of my buddy Sean from Massachusetts. The two older consultants, who are back for their second year, are Jesse Moyer and Tim Gilbert. Jesse is a big old dude from the University of South Dakota, and randomly enough roomed with Carlson when we were here for Leadership College. Tim went to Western Kentucky and will proudly tell you how much of a Confederate he is. The six of us are shacked up in what is called the Arthur R. Priest house, just down the road from the Headquarters building. It used to be the building where the consultants worked, but they turned it into a house. It's very nice! Oxford is a beautiful place. The campus is great, and you have everything you need in this town except for a Target and a Best Buy. I guess Wal-Mart will have to work for two years. There is a lot of greek history here, and there are many headquarter buildings and different fraternity and sorority houses. We are about an hour north of Cincinnati and two hours west of Columbus.

My Fun Trip From LA to Oxford, Ohio

Going to bed on Saturday night, I knew that the next few days would be rough. I had to fly back to Kansas City, drive to St. Louis Sunday night, wake up on Monday and drive to Oxford, and start work on Tuesday. I had it all planned out, and what do you know, the plan didn't go as planned. My flight out of LA was at 9:50. Well after staying up until 4 am, sleeping through my alarm, not being able to shower and shave, and getting on the hotel shuttle at 8:30, I was in a world of hurt. I made my plane, but I had this weird feeling the something was going to go wrong. I told myself I would sleep the whole way home, so I would be rested up. Well that's difficult to do when your sitting in the middle seat. I was afraid that I would end up waking up on someone's shoulder or drooling into someone's complimentary beverage. So I stayed up! About half way home, I realized that I had to get some sleep. I started walking to the back of the plane to see if any window seats were open, but I had no luck. I saw two bathrooms in front of me and a light turned on inside of my head. I slipped into the bathroom, and fell asleep in the bathroom for a half hour. If your sitting there reading this and can't believe I would do something like that, get used to it. The plane finally landed, and my plan was to grab my bags, find my car, and head to Marc Schmidt's house in St. Louis. Well they put my bags on the wrong flight, which was wonderful, and I had to go back to Becker's house. The plane that my luggage was on didn't get in until 11:00 pm. So Becker and I spent our second night together in the past week, and I greatly appreciated his hospitality. We went to Fahrenheit 9/11 that night. I recommend everyone see the movie, democratic or Republican, it will make you think. I made it back to the airport at 11 to welcome back Eric, Brian, and my bags. The mixup landed me $50 in vouchers, which made the mixup better. I like Free Stuff!

The next day, started my 9 and half hour road trip to Oxford. On the way through the great state of Missouri, I stopped at the University of Missouri to check out the Fraternity house and the baseball stadium, which is named after a Phi Delt. The house was amazing, and two of the guys' moms gave me a tour. I also stopped at Indiana State to see if they had a Larry Bird statue or anything cool. The only thing cool I found was a Dusty Rhodes Auto Shop. I traveled through Missouri, Illinois, and Indiana to get to Ohio, and the drive didn't seem that bad. I arrived in Oxford at about 9:30. The first week, until the older consultant moved out, we were assigned to live in the General Headquarters Building, where I work. There is a little living area on the 3rd floor for about 5 people. I was exhausted, but the old consultants thought it would be a good idea to take us out for a welcome drink.

Phi Delt Convention

I attended the General Convention of Phi Delta Theta this past week. The Convention was held in Marina del Rey, California, just a short walk to Venice Beach. I drove down to Kansas City on Tuesday to stay with Brad Becker. Becker and I ate at George Brett's which didn't really have much of a sports bar look, which surprised me. He then took me out to meet a few of his friends. Wednesday morning was a struggle, with a 7:15 flight and a bad eye, but I made it to the airport and slept the whole way to California. The convention actually didn't start until the next day, so I had a day to tour around. I met another Phi Delt at the hotel, Marc from Washburn University, put my bags in his room for the day, and we went out traveling. We walked down to Venice Beach, rented bikes, and rode all the way up to Hollywood along the coast. I came to the conclusion that Californians don't work, because the beach was packed on a Wednesday. The coastline is something else! Andy Tu picked me up later that day, and we drove back to his place in Hermosa Beach. He lives with his cousin, and the house is amazing! (Exept it took me about 20 minutes to turn on the shower) We drove to Hollywood for dinner and to go out. After Mexican food, and few beers, and being up for about 24 hours straight, I was ready for bed. The next day I began my journey back to the hotel on my own, using the great public transportation in LA (getting anywhere in LA is terrible). Walking to the bus stop, I was wondering if I was going to see anyone famous on the trip. About 10 minutes later, I passed a Tai-Kwon-Do building and looked in the window. Wee-Man (the midget from the show Jackass) was stretching on a mat and looking out the window. So I did see someone famous.

The Convention started Thursday night with the opening ceremonies. I didn't know what to think of the Convention going into it, but it was definitely a great way to start off the job. I roomed with Brian Woods and Eric Edwards, and we had a good time. I met quite a few older Phi's who I will be working with on the job every once in awhile. The three of us Iowa State boys all wone tickets to see the Dodgers and the Angels play. It took us an hour and a half to travel about 25-30 miles to the game, but it was worth it. The Dodgers lost by 13, but we all got Thunder Sticks and a few $7 beers. For all of you who think that going to a game during Thunder Stick night would be fun, reconsider. It was a zoo. The stadium was very cool though. The last night of the Convention, we had the Grand Banquet at the local Ritz Carlton. Talk about a nice hotel! I felt bad going to the bathroom in the black marble bathrooms. I had Woods take a picture of me at the urinal in the bathroom, because it was probably the nicest bathroom I've ever been. One alumni walked in when he was taking the picture and said, "Must be those Iowa State Boys". Oh well. The banquet was great. Iowa State won the Harvard Award for the 4th time in a row. This award is given out the best Phi Delt chapter in the nation. The guys I have been able to live with, become friends with, and do some pretty random stuff with, are awesome, and this award proves it!